pointless life...no one can relate...every time i turn around its a baby announcement. well congrats to u. I'm having dreams about killing my self cause im not in ur shoes wow im so excited for you. i dnt even know why im even trying to blog it dnt change n e thang and no one out there comments (probably to soon) r maybe not maybe the people reading are at home with there babies. idk maybe no one will ever read cause no one cares not even my family i run away from every1. watched a stupid fuckn movie called "its alive". about a woman's infant being a killer right after birth. which made me dream i was pregnant 3 dreams all of them where fucked up. i dreamed i was pregnant and miscarried so i killed myself. i dreamed i had the baby and woke up ( never completed) i went back to sleep and dreamed i had a baby and it was growing to fast. about time he was 3 he looked like 30 and would die soon. but this what i live every day is reality...i will never have children that's the worst night mare i think ill ever have and will never wake up from....idk what to do no more trying to be better this year....ITS NOT WORKING.

another quick question....movies seem to depress me...like the movie where a couple has a million and 1 issues and some who at the end she ends up pregnant and its a happy story.....i got more on this but im much to sleepy so ill make this a note........................GOOD NITE :)

had a very long day at work this posting will not be very long at all but....n e who....tomorrow is new years eve. and also my first Dr appointment for infertility. i will make this my new years resolution to try to stay positive about my situation, make every appointment, and educate my self to the fullest extent about infertility, follow every direction that my Dr gives me....well im pretty exhausted so its nap time for me.
i would like to know does being infertile make anyone dislike having sex or does it make you want to try harder? (lots of sex) in the beginning i wanted to have sex A LOT but now i hate it...idk quite' pin point the actual reason why....maybe its knowing that i wont get pregnant, and thats my main purpose as of now...but hey maybe 2010 is my year.

yungblkinfertile

hi I'm Shana this is the first time Ive ever blogged so bare with me.
my topic is INFERTILITY...
my title should explain it all but if it dose not ill give you a brief in site on what this is about. feel free to comment just stay respectful. :)
i am 22 years old born and raised in Kansas city Missouri, i have been infertile for 7 years exactly December 2009, i know seven years!!! and I'm only 22. 15 is a young age to give it a try but i did and noticed it didn't work the 1st or the 2ND or 3rd.........millionth time...(same partner, 6 years later i admitted to my self that its not going to be easy like it is for my relatives, and friends...and that the situation was real. ..............
young black and infertile yes i am all three. NOT DISCRIMINATING OTHER RACES. just describing my self and my feeling my every thought about me being infertile, feelings emotions, just things that are said to me that make me think about infertility.
if you are wondering have i took the next step after noticing i could not get pregnant (go to a infertility dr.)....the answer is no. i never wanted to admit and always canceled my appointments...i guess i call my self running from the truth. probably made my situation worse...but my 1st appointment i will actually go to is this Thursday decemeber 31st. my new years resolution try try try don't be scared....I AM INFERTILE FACE THE FACTS...the definition Ive read several time is not being able to conceive within 1 year of trying to get pregnant.
BY THE WAY I WOULD LIKE TO ADD....I WILL WRITE ALL OF MY BLOGS THE EXACT WAY I TALK ON NON PROFESSIONAL OCCASIONS....THERE WILL BE NO huge vocabulary (not saying im uneducated) i am jus hoping to meet more people like myself and support you and hopefully related and in some way help one another make it threw this.
i dnt have alot of money. i am your average black female my age...i do have 75% of what i want in life food...a good job... a car... a house...clothes etc. i have my needs and my wants....the other 25% missing is my child. i am trying to figure out which catogory to place that 25% in...its both it feels like i jus want 1....well that was about 5 years ago. now time has gone bye it feels more like a need. i need my child to feel complete.
ITS NOT SO MUCH I WANT A BABY NOW...LIKE RIGHT NOW....ITS MORE THAT I CANT PICTURE MY FUTURE MY FAMILY AND THINGS BEING THE WAY I IMAGIONED THEM BEING BEFORE I RELIZED ITS REALLY NOT HAPPENING.
there are alot of opticals i come by everyday and believe me i will blog everything. ENOUGH FOR A BOOK OR TWO OR THREE BUT IM SURE WE ALL FEEL THAT WAY. its more about how people(in my life) neglecet my feelings but its hard to help themselves because they are jus saying what comes out their mouth not thinking " humm shana is infertile i shouldnt say that" i really dnt blame them its not their faults im the one with the problem. it jus puts me in a emotional zone and there isnt one friend or family member that can relate BECAUSE THEY ARENT INFERTILE.... if i decide to tell a person i am infertile that is why i dont have kids and you have two. they wont understand...then ill try an explain i cant have kids i havent been able to get pregnant..." U CANT HAVE KIDS??? ARE YOU SURE...I DIDNT KNOW THERE ARE PEOP0LE WHO CANT HAVE KIDS!!! ANIMALS EVEN HAVE KIDS, DANG GIRL THATS MESSED UP...LOL...YOU CAN HAVE MINES THEY BAD AS HELL." true converstation.
what i want to know if i ever have anyone to read this....
whats the best way to explain infertility to a person who doesnt even know that infertility exist?
please help...i never know how to handle it. i let the pain from the converstation build up and sometimes i may relase my pain on the wrong person even if they had nothing to do with but maybe brought up the topic of me having kids again or told me some1 else is preganat again for the sixth time....ugh.....if you can leave a comment off to bed i go. will be back tomorrow. :)